you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
