i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
