Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
