Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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