I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
