as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
