Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
