Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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