dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
