i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
