I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
