matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
