did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
