before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
