I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
