I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
