just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
