So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
