She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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