all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
accomplished twins. life is a go
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
