The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
