bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
