i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
