I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
