I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
