he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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