I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
