dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do vagina's smell?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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