and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
