Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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