mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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