wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
