So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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