3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
