so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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