Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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