I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
