The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
