I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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