i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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