We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
