I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
