I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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