I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
