$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
3 2 1 whiskey
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
