R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
