my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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