Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
