Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
