I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
