i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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