dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
