Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
