OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
