i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
